Ain't No Flowers in My Attic....

Don't call CPS, for the love...do NOT call CPS!

The girls have been obsessed with a movie lately and I kinda sorta remembered it being advertised on the Disney channel so I never really checked it out.  HOLY MOTHER OF MARY.  THAT won't be happening again.  I mean, holy crap batman.  HOLY CRAP.

So they have watched said movie at least 10 times.  They were actually laying in my bed when I walked in there to kick them out so I could make the bed up and I saw a young woman (who was the mom) standing in front of her children with her bra on and her mother demanding her to take off her shirt so that the children could see what would happen to them if they didn't behave.  The woman had been whipped...I mean full fledged flogging going on up in Grandma's attic.  SERIOUS business.

I immediately turned the TV off and was greeted with 'MOM we were watching that, why did you do that'???  UM, because you are seven and there is a naked woman on the television?  Maybe?  So I begin to prompt them about the show.  They gave me the synopsis of a grandmother that keeps her grandchildren in the attic and the same grandmother 'scratches' the daughters back when they're bad.  Come again?  Haleigh said 'one of the twins dies and then the big brother he almost died with poison pastries'.  So my head is spinning at this point.

I decide to not let them watch it again until I have investigated.   I watched the movie 'Flowers in the Attic' on Megashare.info later on that night.  Hell fire and brimstone.  Y'all, I am still shaking my head.  Just to clarify so no one else is duped as I was.  'Flowers in the Attic' is on LIFETIME, not Disney.  Don't be a fool.  Like me.

:::Let me break this down for you:::
-Mom is married to her uncle (dad).
-Mom and dad have four children.  In the movie they are 5 year old twins (boy/girl) and a high school age age boy and girl.
-Dad dies in a car wreck.
-Mom doesn't work and decides they need to go back to her parents house and she needs to develop a relationship with her father that disowned her once she married her uncle.
-Upon arrival, psycho crazy grandmother declares the children will stay in the room that leads to the attic and they will play in the attic as to not leave or go outside EVER.  This is so the grandfather will not know of their existent.
-They are delivered one basket of food everyday, it has to last the full day.
-Mom begins to develop a relationship with her father of whom she is waiting to keel over from heart problems, inherit his fortune and leave with the children.
-Grandma is sneaking pastries to the children.  They are poisoned.
-Mom begins to enjoy the single life and riches of living back home while the kids sit in the attic.
-Older brother in sister turn into parental figures for the lack of having any.
-Grandma whips mother for living in sin and the abomination of being with the uncle.  Like, whips her, with a belt and mares her skin.

-Kids are scared.

-A week turns into months and months turn into two years.
-OKAY READY:  Brother and sister start DEVELOPING FEELINGS FOR EACH OTHER AND BEGIN TO MAKE-UP AND THEN THEY DO THE NASTY ALL UP IN THE BED...in the attic....

-Brother and sister have a half naked moment in the bathroom.
-One of the twins dies from the poisoning.
-Mom sneaks off to marry some dude.
-Kids find out that POPS died 2 months ago and their mom has hit the road and she ain't coming back no mo no mo no mo!
-Kids escape by trapping crazy psycho grandma in the attic and turning off the lights.  CRAZY PSYCHO GRANDMA IS SCARED OF THE DARK.  Who knew?

So to recap.  My seven year old twins totally watched a movie about not only locking the kids in the attic but beating and poisoning them....Oh and the fifty shades of incest.

I flipped out and told Haleigh LANE SILLOWAY if she EVER even considered watching something on Lifetime or anything other than Disney for that matter that she better think twice....because at the end of the day.......we also have an attic!!!!

HA!

Then I had to ask her if she watched 'Lizzy Borden Took an AX'.  She assured me she had not.  I reminded her that just because she knows what channel 'Vampire Diaries' and 'The Walking Dead' comes on that doesn't give her the much needed permission to watch them!

Feel free to nominate me for mom of the year.  

                                                        I'm totes deserving.  Peace out.

                                                                         TRACI

Mommy Fail 101

This is pretty epic in my book.  On Monday, January 27th, 2014 our awesome school system celebrated the 100th day of school.  This is a BIG deal.  Every year the kids dress up as old people (100 year old people) and we tend to go ALL out.  There are balloons, games, special snack and just tons of fun!  Well, teachers have sent things home for the past two weeks 'don't forget 100th day of school' kinda stuff.  SO I wrote it down in my calendar so I would not forget.  Come Sunday night we are pulling stuff together; the kids are so very excited.

I give you Haleigh, otherwise known as 'Talula' the rich Southern Belle old lady.  Haleigh's short waisted mink jacket comes with a patent leather belt, double strand of pearls and WAY to big glasses.  Don't forget the bright red lip stick (we borrowed Nonnie's of course) and a CRAP load of 'gray' hair spray.  She was over the top happy with her outfit.
Payton or I should say 'Margorie, the local retirement home fitness instructor', has on her work out gear, fanny pack, big glasses, big make-up and of course, her sweat band.  Duh, how else to fitness instructors dress?  You have to use a fanny pack to carry your heart medication, kleenex and Vaseline chap stick.  She was ready to 'work you out'.

  So the girls were ready to go, happy with their outfits and of course I am yet again receiving "Mom of the Year" awards left and right.

Fast forward to 3:23 PM when they get off the bus.  Oh wait, when they get OFF the bus crying.  Payton was crying and I mean big crocodile tears.  Haleigh immediately says 'thanks a lot mom'.  I said 'what's wrong, what are you talking about'?  Haleigh goes into this story (because Payton can't quit crying) about how.....get ready for it.....wait for it....wait for it....SECOND GRADE WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO DRESS UP.  WHAT!!!!  Nope, second graders weren't participating 'this year'.  Key words 'this year'.  I immediately go to the ol' laptop and start emailing out.  I'm so mad that neither teacher emailed or called me to come get the girls or bring them a change of clothes because now they have spent the day being made fun of.  Payton's teacher tried to rectify the situation and have her take her make-up off (with water) which just made things worse because, I don't know, she LOOKED like she took her make-up OFF WITH WATER!  The rest of her outfit was normal but she did have really gray hair.  Whoops.  Haleigh could care less what anyone thinks and she was perfectly happy with being different and just the mere fact that she had make-up on in the first place....well she was a happy little goat.  Payton has such a difficult time on a day-to-day basis with kids making fun of her weight that this was literal icing on the cake.

So - with all that said.  I did read the notes that were sent home.  But, not one of the notes ever mentioned anything about dressing up; the notes said remember the 100th day of school.  Why do I need to remember it if I'm not suppose to do anything?  The kids have dressed up every single year so I just assumed.  Lesson here: don't assume...anything...ever!  Oh and don't send your twins to school looking like cracked out old ladies if they're not supposed to be dressed up as cracked out old ladies.

I'll Take My Prize Money in Twenties,

Traci.

PS...they got over it and forgave me, not that they had much of another choice, they are seven!